i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
