Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
