I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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