Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
