Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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