Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
