I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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