There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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