if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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