Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
