She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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