you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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