I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she looked like the before picture.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
