I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
