who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
