I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
