i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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