omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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