I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
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My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
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Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?