I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
No idea. I blame fireball.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?