Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth