yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty