It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"