you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
