Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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