maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
