You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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