i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
There's always time for handjobs
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Enjoy the penises
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
