He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
