You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
