singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
