Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
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they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
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That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I party with great urgency now.
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