It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
foreskin is a definite game changer
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
how drunk are you?
Several
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
