The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
