It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
