You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.