So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
