It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
