Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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