i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
