i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I would fuck him just for his dog
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
