sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
