I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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