theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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