His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
