Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
