they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
