My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
