Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
