There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
