i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
