i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
