If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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