How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
