end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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