She said her name was "party"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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