your room smells of hookers.
And success
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
