Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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