hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
