dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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