bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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