do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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