When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
