I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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