u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
