so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
