i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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