Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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