Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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