so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
