I'm going to jail i love you
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
