i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
