Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
