I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
